Summer and Damien Rice

school is so close to being over, i can taste it. i cant wait for the summer. my favorite time of year. i will appreciate it even more this summer i think, i dont know if i have ever put forth this much effort in school in my whole life. i hope it pays off. last semester, i did so good; i dont know about this one though. im pumped, i got tickets to the damien rice concert in nyc on may 21st. we bought our tickets and then a week later, lisa hannigan, a part of the band (a crucial part of the band, in my opinion) just left, in the middle of the tour. i think that i may have been more excited about seeing her than damien rice... but i'm trying to be optimistic. i hear damien rice is still one of the most increadible performers. i cant wait... i just wonder how it will be without lisa hannigan. she is a big part of all of my favorite damien rice songs.

Gramps.

my grandpa just keeps getting sicker and weaker. the last time that i was there to see him, i remember i left so happy because he was walking around smiling and giggling to himself and that was a good day. today i went there and i dont think that he even lifted his head up once. i kept waving my hand right in front of his face to get his attention, but even then, he didnt snap out of it. he barely talked at all. his mood always affects my mood. if he is happy, so am i, if he is out of it, so am i. when i went there today, i was in such a good mood, and it is sad, because i remember him the last time that i was there (when he was happy) and i think that is how he will be when i see him again, but i never know who he is going to be when i go there. there is no consistency in his behaviors, in his mind. this is really sad to say, but i remember being in middle school and i remember thinking about how i honestly didnt know how i would survive if my grandfather died. i can honestly say that i would of been so completely lost... i just dont even know. but now it's so sad to think that him being here... how he is now, and his suffering, might even be worst.

Short Story

writing that short story was hard. i can honestly say that i hated it. i am terrible at that style of writing. i wrote one short story before, in high school, and it was pretty awful. i find it impossible to try to write something in that many pages and make it sound good. im really not good with the whole plot thing. descriptions are my strength, but i could take up four pages just setting one scene. im not good with action and i think short stories need alot of it. i just didnt want to write the short story. it was probably the toughest thing ive had to write yet. well, anyways, im so happy to finally be DONE with it.

V.T.

the virginia tech killings are really heartbreaking. i felt so weird walking to campus after it, just thinking, that it could happen anywhere. i was watching the news one night when the V.T. police were being interviewed and it made me so sick. they were asking crazy questions like describe the scene, the guy said that it was the worst thing he had ever seen, but the media kept probing, just hungry for specifics. it made me so sick i had to turn the t.v. off. now, they are just looking to blame, blame, blame. that makes me even more upset. i saw a handful of students that were interviewed about the way that the campus handled the situation, and they stood behind their campus for the most part. a few other students talked about how they forgave the shooter; that they will never understand it, but they forgive him, because he felt like he needed to go to this extreme to be heard... i guess the shooter had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital and they found that he was a danger to himself or others; how can someone like that go and buy a gun and it doesnt even show up in the background check.... that's kind of scary. i guess there are just some things that i will never understand...

Italy, Here I Come!

It's official. I'm going to Italy. I just bought my plane ticket. I'm going with my two best guy friends from high school. We are going to visit our italian friend, Costanza. Our senior year, the four of us were inseperable... I wish I could go back and relive that one year of my life, just to do it all again, because it was so fucking good. Hopefully this vacation will only mirror those times that we spent together before. I can't wait to see her... she came back for the two christmas's after she went home, but I haven't seen her in 4 years. We are going there for 2 weeks. Just doesn't seem long enough, I'm sure when I get back, I'll say the same thing. We are going to travel to Rome and Florence. She lives in Sicily. I can't wait to see the Coliseum. Being able to stand on so much history, I think that is what I'm most excited about. That, and seeing her again. We made sure to buy our tickets for the day after the 4th of July.. my favorite holiday. The tradition is to spend the entire day tubbing down the river and drinking beer... making sure not to leave any emptys... I just want it to be July already. If not July, I at least want the weather to feel like July, so I can enjoy it a little more.