Free Verse

all day i write
little diddies in my head
trying to extract
a meaningful line
of exploding emotion
like a rusty nail from
a bare foot

all day i write
these fucking diddies in my head
but ive lost my words

these letters used to
be a symphony
now i play scrabble
sifting through the
english language
like a homeless 49er

all day i write
little diddies
which perform their own
rendition of the polka in my head
and they travel infinitely
on the subway
through the canals
of my mind

but just as im about to give birth
to a twenty one pound epiphany
they pull a houdini
because my mind is infested
with sea deep snakeholes
and before i can find any ink
the diddy is lost
catching all sorts of air
flying out of my ears
and turning to dirt

but i would eat that dirt all day
if it promised to deliver a medicine man
that could make it rain beautiful words
for one whole week
granting an anecdote
that could break this code
that could cure this silence

instead im left with white lines

white is nothing more than
snowmen playing patty cake
with dead eyes in december

empty. emotionless. heartless.

i am as empty as those coal eyes

Let it Snow

finally, some serious snow. i was so excited. this sunday, i went to my dad's to see my little brother. i got him all snuggled up to go out in the snow and bought a huge snow tube. i thought it was going to be great, but there was so much snow, that the tube wouldnt go anywhere. it was ridiculous. everytime that we went down, i had to walk my little brother up the hill, because the snow was too much for his little legs (he's lazy, i probably would of had to carry him anyways). he kept eating the snow like it was marshmellows. he loved it. then all of the sudden his face was covered with dirt, which my sister told me he ate a dirty ice scicle. haha. he probably thought that was chocolate. he is such a sweets fanatic. i am too, but i guess if it was my child, i wouldnt give him so much candy. we built tucker a huge fort going through a snow bank. we hollowed it out so it was like an igloo. we got spray paint and titled it 'tuck tunnel'. we told him to make sure everyone gave him money, if they wanted to go through. he was so excited about it, until my grandparents stopped and of course, gave him candy hearts. after that he just sat in the snow tube and ate the hearts. we had to bribe him just to go through the tunnel. it was good to see my sister too. she goes to suny plattsburgh. so she is never really home. i dont think i have seen my sister bundled up in snowpant since we were little kids, so that was really great. all and all, it was a pretty fabulous day. i cant wait to have another one!!!

Tucker...

tuck. that's the love of my life. my little 2 (and i cant forget the half) year old brother. it kills me that i miss out on so many moments in his amazing little world. although i only see him once a month, he knows exactly who i am. nobody else can really keep up with him. that... and the fact that i will give him anything that his little heart desires. i secretly sneak him candy. i love the fact that whenever i go to visit him, i never know how i will find him. sometimes, he likes to be shy, sometimes he just wants to love me and lay with me, and sometimes he is jumping around with such energy that i cant even get a hug out of him. children really are amazing. i've always known that, but having a little brother and being so old, i can really watch him grow and make mental notes about his incredible powers. children are like little magicians. they really know how to put people under thier spells. my little brother knows that he can get anyone to do anything that he wants. i love it that if they do something and it makes you laugh, they will do it again and again and again. the first real face that my brother made that had us in tears was a piggy face. we were rolling on the ground every time that he did it. still whenever we take pictures... all that he will do, is a piggy face. it's to the point where he kinda looks like quozzimodo, from the hunchback of notre dame, and people are beginning to think that my little brother is "special". i would do anything to be a kid again. i always try to imagine what it would be like to go back and live in a land of giants.

I Feel Sick

i feel like i have a little touch of writers block today. or maybe it is the popping sounds in my left ear, it seems to affecting my brain. i feel tired and it feels exhausting even typing away at the keyboard. ahh, it scares me think that i have work tonight. i hate working in a restaurant. it is even worse when i feel sick. the last thing that i feel like doing is waiting on people. i want someone to wait on me, to bring me some chicken noodle soup and advil. and i know that i am going to have to wait on the worse tables tonight, because that is just how things seem to happen. i have been very sick this season. maybe i have the bird flu. i feel so tired. it is so awful when you feel sick and you still have do school work, but i guess that i would rather be doing school work then running around for 6 hours straight. i am so unmotivated.